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31 Aug 2011

Money and Relationships

I heard a few (not so wise) people mention that money and relationships have nothing to do with each other. More like, money is a non issue in a love relationship. Or, people should stop placing money in the way of love. Yada, yada... but really, how do people seperate the social commitment from finances. Beats me.

I did stick around with losers, hoping they will see the light, but really, it never happens. People with no respect for their money, wont have any of it for yours. It really doesn't matter what marriage contract you will have, just be ready to engage in a never ending financial war. It happens and most often than not, leads to divorce. It doesn't mean that we should start a serious relationship with the rich, but the financially responsible and well... the promising.

Money and Dating
When I met the hubs, he was such a trendy dude, extravagant dresser - I meant. I saw the Kurt Geiger jeans for the first time from him, and I didn't even know they are/ were a big deal. They actually cost more than my entire outfit. I was still a good girl those days, very responsible. Anyways, he knew from the onset that I am a cheap girl and wont break a bank to dress.Needless to say, the last expensive jeans he wore were those he had before we dated. I never asked him to drop the look, he just had to adjust it a bit, I guess. I knew what I wanted, where I was heading and what matters to me. He loved me, and so even before we made a commitment, he had to set his priorities very straight.

We discussed everything, including our finances whilst we were dating. Its never too late to get to know your partner's financial affairs. Unless you've just met. When we moved in together, we again had to adjust and re-adjust. By the time we got married, we were pretty much on the same page. I had no debts, none, nada, other than my mortgage, and I didn't want to be entwined in someone else's. The exception would be a mortgage, student loans, and a car. Any other debt was something I just wouldn't understand. So the hubs was not that bad.

Pre-Marital Financial Discussions
Here is the deal: you either clear the air at this point or go your separate ways before you make this a permanent union. If you discuss how many children you want, how difficult can it be to add a "how are we going to afford a child?" The financial discussion is almost as important as a spiritual discussion. In my opinion, both spirituality and finances can make or break the deal. Having said that, I'm glad we decided to go ahead and give our relationship a try with the hubby. We were worlds apart. We got closer and closer until we closed the gap.
Anyone with a poor relationship with money will fail to be a provider. Its as simple as that.

Money in a Marriage
I know most people believe in having combined accounts, we didn't. I still have my own checking accounts, and so does he. My independence is very important to me. The hubby has a full time job, whilst I stay at home playing investor and mom at the moment. When I get problems with tenants and vacancies, he is there to patch. Luckily, I haven't needed much of that. The sad thing is that, it seems that I have a late rent payment for September and a vacancy for October. Just when I thought I am coming OK. Remember my goal to start my emergency fund this month. The hubby has transferred some $500 into my account for me to get through the hump. Having a partner with a formal job is great.

Be sure to work through your finances with your partner, from dating period, through to marriage, if it happens.Its up to you to create harmony between money and relationships in your own life.


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